MY LIFE

2006-09-08T05:39:00.000-07:00

Why does money matter so much to everyone?
Sometimes I wonder whether its money controlling us or the other way round. I mean its good to be thrifty and save for a rainy day. However it seems that we're never satisfied with what we have. We always want more, we want it better and we always want it immediately... Impatient ain't we? Thats perhaps the reason why most pple fight everyday... money money money...

2006-08-20T07:04:00.000-07:00

I have the most exciting life in the whole world man... ( note of sarcasm)
Here it goes...
Everyday I wake up to my stupid alarm clock. I wake up, grumble to myself, get changed brush my teeth. i pick up my bag... stone a bit more then go to school. In school, I drag my body around, smiling and waving at pple i noe... and wondering y am i smiling in the first place... I go for lessons. then i study till 8.50 in school then i realise i have to rush to catch my bus..
then when i reach home with no strength or motivation to do anything else... repeat this 5 times a week and u get my life... i hate studying... i really do... there's no fire in me like the one mr lau mentioned... i dun wanna care anymore.. i leave it to God..lala

2006-08-09T05:30:00.000-07:00

This is the blackforest cake that i baked for my mum...
Nice eh?
Haha it tastes a little too sweet so I shall go easy on the chocolate fudge the next time round.

Mum was touched, no doubt. I love my family!

Life's kinda boring nowadays, there's like zero excitement in my life.
Everyday is just school and study. Perhaps ever so occasionally I would be able to play a little bit of pool with my classmates or maybe a game of basketball with my old buddies.( I have to state that I do stink at it).

I read the newspaper and they mentioned that all or most blogs featured are only people talking about themselves and nothing else. I guessed its true and we are all trapped in our own world obsessed and concerned only about the things that revolve around us.

Hope and love in the world are perhaps what the world needs the most. There's increasing suffering in this world, more disasters, more wars. When is it all going to end? In the light of so much troubles, I guess that there is perhaps still hope in the world. The light at the end of the tunnel may seen dim, but it is evidently still there. I read somewhere, "never laugh at someone's dreams. Cause without dreams, we don't have much". And sadly most of the time, the ones would put down our dreams are usually the ones closest to us.
Childish as any dream may sound. If there is hope and hard work, it maybe fulfilledl, so dun be in a rush to put other people's dreams down.

God bless the world.
let us be free from pain...

2006-07-04T09:09:00.000-07:00

Have you ever looked at a guy and wondered how much courage he possessed to actually pursue their dreams. They left their comfort zone to head on the road less travelled. Despite the challenges and the overwhelming odds. They stuck with what they loved to do and went ahead with it regardless of how the world looked at them or how life stuck them down.

I'm currently at a crossroad. Simply couldn't make up my mind on what I want to do?
My heart screams for me to follow my passion, but of course the brain screams another. Could I really give up everything for my passion? Would it turn out horribly, or would I end as one of those stories where people point out and say what a waste.

Perhaps the views of a biased society has led me to think that being a chef would be a lower job than others? Although I love to cook, worries start to sink in again... Would I be a good enough Chef? And I really suited for such an area of work?

Choked by my thoughts... Although it may seem that I don't think a lot,(probably because I don't think of the proper things at the appropiate time) I actually do think... In fact, the thoughts overwhelm me.
I Have a BIGGGGG EGO, and seriously I need to do something about it.
Thats probably the greatest hindrance in the pursue of my dreams.
Following my dream, ain't going to be a walk in the park. But I know this is what I've got to do,
I'm not going to spent the rest of my life wondering how my life would turn out to be if I had taken another path. No Way...
So this is My Life... and I'm not going to let go of my dream. No MATTER what...
Go my journey begins... Its going to be tough, but that makes it all the more sweet if you attain it...Whats life without a little challenge?

I love blogging to myself and perhaps God? It somehows allows me to find the answers by putting the questions out.

2006-06-29T06:20:00.000-07:00

People say...
Success is built on hard work...
People say...
Don't regret, work hard now...
People say...
Time is running out
People say...
Don't cry over spilled milk...
Its ironic ain't it, we spend all of our youth trying to be successful and working hard.
Yet we slave away our best years, and choose to try to enjoy our older years. Old and balding, toothless and have limited mobility... how then would you then enjoy your life? To climb all those mountains, when your back hurts with every step you take? To see all the sights, when your eyesight is starting to fail you? It certainly sounds like great fun isn't it?

Doesn't hard work bring success? I'm starting to doubt it... This month has been the hardest I studied, but yet the results would tell a different story. Then along come the people would would come and tell you that you haven't been working hard enough. A tight slap across your face right?

2006-06-20T08:11:00.000-07:00

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

It is not rude, it is not self- seeking, it is not easily angere, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love NEVER fails....

I guess the world focus on lust more than love.

What this world truly needs is more love. Somehow men don't always focus on what we need, but only on what we want. We don't need more time, more money, more material possessions than we already have. All we actually need is to actually spread some love.

Love is not lust, when your intentions and actions are pure of heart, then I guess that would be true love. Where then can we find such true love? Perhaps the way a mother loves her child? The way that God loves the world?

I think everyone has the capacity and the ability to love, but what then is holding us back?

When can we totally grasp the concept of love without a single thought of self?

I think the one thing that stops us from loving others is self love... Simply said, we love ourselves too much that we are then incapable of loving others. In everything we do, we consider the benefits to us before we do something. Somehow or another, all our thoughts and actions have reflected that we want to gain something out of it.

Perhaps it is time that we stopped focusing on ourselves and learnt to love others...

It won't be easy.... but the things that aren't easy that it is worth doing I guess...

Perhaps God can show me the way again?

2006-06-09T08:28:00.000-07:00

I wonder when was the last time...
I actually just sat down to enjoy my food...
Its always schedules to meet
Things to do...
There never seems to be enough time anymore...

I seriously can't think of what makes me happy any longer?
Playing a game? Watching a nice movie? Chatting with a friend?
It just doesn't feel the same any longer...
There is no pure joy, no more simple fun...
I'm afraid that it would overwhelm me, and when the work stops coming,
I would be so lost... Thats just the singaporean lifestyle ain't it?

2006-05-29T08:16:00.000-07:00

God give me the strength to carry on...
In the world, I'm drowning...
I try to keep my head above the water,
But I'm growing wearier by the minute.

What I fear I must overcome...
What I don't understand, I must seek...
But If I can't Do The Things I Love, It would be impossible to live!

2006-05-16T03:35:00.000-07:00

Time is running out...
Can't be complacent any longer...
There's really no other path to go...
but to work hard and pass my A lvls...

Its time to cast my external activities aside...
and focus on my work again...
Lets hope I can do it this time...

2006-05-07T05:28:00.000-07:00

What a wonderful weekend...
This weekend as usual didn't study much...
But I felt that I managed to force myself to just sit down and look at my notes
MUAHAHAHA its like a great achievement for me...

Hmmm... I think the best thing that happened this weekend is
*drum rolls* its... Worker's Party won the Seat in Hougang!!!!
YAY!!! *Claps* Celebrate!!!
The upgrading packet didn't entice the residents of Hougang...
Anyway I think that the New MP is super nice haha...

2006-05-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

Another Council event over...
However this event was somewhat closer to my heart than any other projects.
Even though it wasn't my Adhoc, I felt that this camp was the most special event.
I tried to impart the knowledge and skills to the next generation, and it was hard warming to see them try and grow throughout the camp... in the areas of maturity, teamwork and leadership.

This would be our final event, however great the sadness, I felt that I have accomplished what I started out to do... and like all things, there would be an end to everything, be it good or bad.
The memories came flooding me, and I would never forget the times that our council shared together... but however I believe it would never end here.

Our Journey would continue...
Now, Lets all focus on the greatest task ahead,
A levels... Lets Conquer this giant...
TOGETHER AS ONE 28Th STUDENT COUNCIL!

2006-04-26T04:14:00.000-07:00

The gal from take the lead was HOT HOT HOT!!!
ALL the dancers were so good... how i wished that nanyang Disco night would be something like that....
Anyway, I lack the determination and self discipline to study...
Been slacking a lot lately... also can't concentrate that well recently.
I guess its really time to pull up my socks!!!

Well council camp is coming and I really hope all goes well for it.
It would sadly be our last council event...
Well like what Mr Lau said, we must really learn to let go off our past...
Lets all concentrate on our Future... To the future... Cheers!

2006-04-21T08:21:00.000-07:00

The world is changing,
Nanyang is changing...
the warm welcoming place i used to look forward to...
has become my daily prison...
one that requires me to be on time daily...
not that I have a problem with punctuality,
its simply that the rules makes you want to turn away from school... instead of wanting to come...
no matter how beautiful the building is,
a prison is still a prison...
Perhaps its just that the a level's are coming,
Forcing me to feel this way...
but seriously, the rules simply ain't helping the situation

maybe this way the standards would improve...
but in a way.... the friendliness and warm is slowly fading away...

2006-04-20T06:28:00.000-07:00

another blink of the eye... its the weekend again...
I wonder how each week, each day just seems to slip by me...
Wat have i achieved? I'll nvr noe... maybe i'm just nvr satisfied...

2006-04-14T08:21:00.001-07:00

Its Good Friday!!

It has really been a good weekend, it began on thursdae evening...
Ms Yap and Mr Tan brought us for our Orientation 2 Adhoc dinner...
It was fanastic... It has been a long time since the councillors went out together, and I was really starting to miss the good times we spent together.
Mr Tan Even told 2 jokes... I was caught of guard and was both surprised and amused.

The gals were crazy, they were constantly giggling and taking photos... I felt glad that O2 end in such a nice note, but however was sad that it had come to a end.

Aah... wat a wonderful night it turned out to be...

But thats not the Highlight....The next day was even better... my church organised a game called cross junction. It was super interesting, we went about eating food and solving puzzles. Our team, The Makan Maniacs came in 3rd for the race... haha

We managed to find several stalls that sell excellent food, after the game, my friends and I headed down to eat katong laksa and char kuay teow... yummy!!!

2006-04-07T04:25:00.000-07:00

I guessed that I haven't been a really nice person...
it took a little long... I know...

So I Decided to Create a list, an idea inspired by this funny show called (I am Earl)
In that list, I would list the things that I have done wrong and try to make up for it...
I remember my Pastor said something I feel very true.
The First step in understanding His Grace is to understand the severity of sin.
I guess the only way to make things right and find back the passion and meaning in life again is to understand forgiveness... hopefully I would set things right.

Things I have done wrong:

Did not read the bible regularly
Not really filial to my parents
Didn't make an effort to talk and know my brother better
Didn't visit my grandparents often
Bullied my cousins
Bullied my teachers
Rude to Mrs Qweenie Wong
Didn't do my homework on time
My room is constantly in a mess
Been rude to my friends
I have not been a good cell leader to Xavier
I have not been a good friend to many
I have lost my temper at many people
I have littered
I have lie to people before (nothing major but just feel bad)
Gossip too much
I haven't fulfilled my goals for 2006
I can't remember most of the people's names
I haven't been a good leader
I haven't been a good class rep
I make excuses all the time when the actual fact that i'm lazy
I didn't keep my promises
I failed to help a cadet called Louis
I Didn't go out of my way to help others
I didn't understand the true meaning of service learning
I didn't invite enough people to church
I didn't noticed when best fren was having a difficult time
I am too spendthrift, wasted my dad's money
I do not practise what I preach
I do not study to learn
I didn't organise a proper class activity
I didn't follow up with Jun Zhang and Ze Hou to make sure that they are not backsliding
Did not help with housework
I did not make an effort to catch up with friends...

Yups its a long list.. I can't think of anything more but I'm sure there's much much more...

I just hope I can make it right and start now...

2006-04-05T06:32:00.000-07:00

Hopes and dreams

In this Singaporean society,
is considered bullshit,
Dreams mean nothing if they can't give you a good paycheck.
Hope is always crushed by the reality of life.
Sometimes our Greatest success would lead to our Greatest failure.

Oh the ever wonderful singaporean mindset...
No matter what, studies come first...
How stupid, how rigid...
Talent and interest,
Constantly killed by the need to achieve...
to win medals...
Nothing is done solely for interest...
but always have some deeper purpose involved...

2006-04-04T03:50:00.000-07:00

I'm pretty sick of this life...
Problems wouldn't seem to go away, they seem to pile up instead.
Just when I felt that things were slightly better, problems seem to come again.
I seem to losing all reason to smile, there's simply nothing to smile about...
The forecast for the rest of this week is bleak, with prospect of more bad things to come...
I'm not predicting or being pessimistic, I simply know whats gonna happen... And I wish it wouldn't, but how often when I pray in times of need, the help simply doesn't come.

I not ingrateful, I mean I thank God for everything I have... but I'm simply beginning to doubt the power of prayer, I feel that prayer only when we have a problem solves no problems. It makes us weak, perhaps thats what we are supposed to feel, and to rely on the strength of God. My faith is declining... I realised that I'm seeking Him for miracles not for Him... perhaps a change of attitude is what I really need...

2006-04-02T07:08:00.000-07:00

Nothing inspires me anymore...
Nothing drives me any longer...
Day in and out, I simply drag my body on...
Over time, numbness has overwhelmed me, and I can't feel anymore.
Disappointed over the block test? Nope, I no longer feel anything.

Disillusioned with life, I guess...
I wonder where my passion went, or am I simply burnt out?
I wonder how many people can really understand me? And can tell when I really smile inside...

I thought I needed a break, but I realised that I needed something more... I can't figure what that is... So in the mean time I guess I just have to continue dragging my body on...

2006-03-18T01:25:00.000-08:00

Let me review this week....
hmm... Firstly, O2 is coming and I had a lot planning to complete within this week
Secondly, My maths block test is coming up and my maths is in a terrible condition.
Thirdly, My Computer crashed.
Ain't life simply just wonderful... haha

Well, firstly I would like to give thanks first.
Thank God that I have a laptop (slow but usable)
Thank God that I have a backup of all my O2 documents on gmail
Thank God that somehow i managed to finish the planning of O2 games in a short period of time.
Thank GOD for taking all my worries and uncertainities...
You set me on a rock, so that I would never be shaken...
You took my burden and gave me rest...

Thats why despite a terrible week I still managed to be happy.....

2006-03-12T06:51:00.000-08:00

i'm exhausted... tired... weak...
my spirits are down...
and i'm lost in the world

Are these excuses i put up for myself?
Everything is bottled up inside...
Any moment now just you wait...
I would burst and all hell breaks loose...

But i Trust in You Lord...
You said that if I come weary and tired
You would give me rest...
well I sure could use it now...

2006-03-11T04:53:00.000-08:00

In this world, what makes a difference?
I find it hard to comprehend this... fighting for peace...how can fighting ever bring peace?
We often complain about life being hard and tiring... but is life really that tough?
Can there ever be peace in the world? Wouldn't the world be a really boring place then?

A thousand questions streaming through my head...
Questions I can't answer...
Questions that doesn't have an answer...
Questions that would never go away...
Where can I seek these answers? Again more questions...
Seeking for answers can sometimes lead to more questions, when to stop asking?
Probably never i guess... or perhaps I have been searching in the wrong places

In the world what matters to me?
Somehow everything that matters to me has to do with me or affects me...
Can something that didn't affect me matter to me?
If it did, would I be considered to myself to be selfless and bother about stuff that absolutely didn't concern me?
More questions... no answers...

2006-02-21T05:28:00.000-08:00

Today I looked at my Green uniform hanging neatly in my cupboard.

And immediately(sounds dramatic) all the memories of my cadet days came overwhelmingly. If you ask me would I go through all the pain, push-ups and crazy stuff all over again? HELL YEAH!! would be the reply that came your way.
Sounds weird right? Haha not for me, it was one of the best times in my life. I learnt many valuable skills from it, however also many bad habits as well. I remember all the wacky things I did when I was a cadet, and how was it like to be a specialist...

Being a CLT was a definite eye-opener for me. Things really changed from then, no longer you could use the same methods to train people as there were leaders working under you too... A more indirect method had to be adopted.

I often wonder how have I affected my Cadets? Hmm was probably a bad influence anyway... Haha...MY PHOTO IS ON THE WALL IN MY SECONDARY SCHOOL!!! haha thats because we won the BEST UNIT competition... MUAHAHA

2006-02-11T17:54:00.000-08:00

Today is my 18th Birthday, i guess this 18 years of my life has been pretty smooth sailing for me, and I'm extremely grateful for that.
I have to thank all my Friends that took the time to celebrate my birthday it has certainly been wonderful... haha Especially having a few days of continuous celebrations. I am growing fat on cake and rich food.
Reflecting on my years, I have certainly grown much in the past 2 years. Accepting Christ was one of the hardest and yet the most important decisions in my life. I hope to further grow in the Lord and work according to the plans He has laid out for me. The path least taken may be the toughest but it would be the most worthwhile.
Although I am still pretty vulgar sometimes, I think I have made an improvement. Its guadual but I know that it would work out. Anyway, I have decided Life is too short for regrets, so I would just go ahead and give everything a shot. Haha hard to keep by, but not impossible.
For in God all is possible!

2006-02-09T06:30:00.000-08:00

I haven't taken the time off to thank God for the wonderful miracles in my Life
For He gives my life and everything I have belongs to Him.
I thank God for my Salvation, I was saved and forgiven
I thank God for my family, for they shower me with their love
I thank God for my friends, for they show me concern
I thank God for my school, for its shows I have a place to learn
I thank God for my nation, for I grow up in peaceful times
I thank God for the alarm that wakes me every morning, it tells me I'm alive
I thank God for the mountains of homework, it fills me with purpose
I thank God for the stress of work, it makes me depend more on God
I thank God for boring lessons, a challenge to keep awake

In all things, bad or good, I thank God for it... it made me grow and gain wisdom...

2006-02-07T05:29:00.000-08:00

My world is crashing.....

I dun noe why?

the Mountain of homework

the crappy days...

my parents constantly on my back...

ALL they DO is NAG NAG NAG

NAG ALL DAY ALL NITE

till my ears go numb....

i have no idea what they want...

or how to be a better son...

its not as if i'm not studying...

i mean i didn't do tat bad...

but nothing seems to make them glad...

My head screams to hate them...

but my heart sae i love them too...

Confused me...

oh what should i do...

i noe talking would help...

oh yes it would...

but the words dun seem to work

its magic tonite...

its all my fault...

in a twisted sense of logic

its so so true...

what happened to the cheerful me...

oh where has he gone...

i think he died a couple days back...

killed by two madman called

homework and money...

2006-02-01T06:35:00.000-08:00

Happiness....

All seek it...

Few find it...

Most lose it...

while trying to find it...

In the rush of our lives,

we often overlooked the things that we hold dear

Like a friend,

or a thing you really want to do...

I have always seeked things that i presumed would make me happy. That would seemingly make my life better. I often seeked material objects only to find that it can never satisfy a thirsty soul. Many times in life, it is only the simple things in life that make it seem beautiful...

We rush for the product, neglecting the process, losing out on the fun along the way...

I hope to...

live without regrets...

enjoy my life...

love all my friends...

and love my enemies more...

2006-01-29T06:28:00.000-08:00

What’s the size of Your Heart?

How would be like to be completely selfless and give your all for the benefit and welfare of a total stranger? To give everything you have without even a shred of hesitation or regret? Does it take a truth crisis to see this in the world?
Regrettably, I do not have the capacity for such generosity. Despite constant persuasion to convince my heart to be a willing and cheerful giver, yet in the depths of my heart there would always be a barrier. I may give, but do I give willingly? Somehow, every kind or generous act had been nudged on by a ulterior motive. To be noticed, to have a kind act in return, all these reasons seem sufficient to nudge me to do the ‘right’ thing. However this kindness is a form of lie, a lie to eyes of the world, a deception and conspiracy in my heart.
It is definitely easier to act noble, to act selfless, and to appear as a helpful and humble person, rather then to appear as a cold-hearted and conceited person. In reality the cold hearted and conceited is what we really are, despite the warm outer appearance. It is disturbing to wear the mask in front of millions while deep in your heart you would want to act differently. In a way the ‘bad’ person may be more truthful to himself than the rest who simply seek acceptance from others.
Selflessness is a distant goal for many, and we always seem to fall short of this act. Perhaps only though a crisis would our intentions would be truly pure. Like in the recent tsunami, despite their own pitiful situation, those with the capability to help took a step forward and offered a helping hand. That I believe is the purest act of kindness, as nothing can be taken out of it. But sad enough, there is a need for a crisis to compel us to this.
In a way we can’t all be Mother Theresa. No one is perfect; it’s just simply a way of life. However I believe that everyone can hone their hearts to make kindness a sort of natural response. In that way, we act based on instinct and would not think so much of the benefits before we act. That way we become more focused on the need to help not on the benefits providing it. There may not have a reason to be kind, but that’s what makes kindness a special act.

2006-01-27T23:19:00.000-08:00

The year 2005 ended wonderfully for me...

Firstly I spent most of my December with my friends. There was hardly a day then I didn't met them. Not that I'm complaining... I felt that was an excellent time spent as I thoroughly enjoyed every moment spent working and playing with them(mostly playing though)

I was also very blessed to be able to go back to Cairns to experience something I wanted to do for years. To Skydive, that is... that simple thrill and rush of adrenaline was overwhelming imagine to look out of a plane at 14000 feet. Man, I nearly crapped in my pants. But the experience was worthwhile and I would gladly try it again if there's another chance.

Besides the skydiving trip, there was other highlights of the trip. Snorkelling was excellent, imagine swimming in the clear blue oceans, finding "nemo". Fish would swim right up to your face. The magnificence & beauty of the sea can take your breath away...

Chinese New Year is on its way.... Hopefully this year would be much more exciting and wonderful then the previous year....
Gong Xi Fa Chai... haha